


Memories

by chai8addict (stillostome)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Changmin feeling sorry for himself, Hospitalization, M/M, Memory Loss, Non-AU but based in the future, Suicide, i have no clue how to use these tags...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 00:51:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2290922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillostome/pseuds/chai8addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up a hospital is nerve wracking. Especially if you have no idea how or why you are there. </p>
<p>Everything seems fine to Yunho on first glance. No broken bones, no bruises, no aches, no pain. So he can't begin to imagine what landed in the hospital, in a single room no less.</p>
<p>Then a man comes in looking like he's running from everything. And whose Yunho to deny the man some sanctuary</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Visit

I know I'm in a hospital, or at least it seems like a hospital. I mean it has the heart monitor, the weird looking coat hanger that has a bag of liquid hanging from it, and also when I woke up a guy in a white coat came to see how I was feeling.

Problem is, I have no idea why I'm here. I feel fine, sure my head hurts and everything's a little fuzzy. But, come on. I just haven't had a good night sleep in a long time, probably.

Glancing around the room, I realize that there is no way my parents can afford this room. I had come to Seoul to make enough money to send Jihye to school, so how the hell would they have been able to afford this room? I mean, it's a single and pretty spacious with an amazing view of the countryside. If I had to come to the hospital, I would have expected to be in a room with at least three other patients. When the doctor comes back I'll have to tell him that I can't afford this room, and he needs to move me to a smaller one.

Just then the door opens, I turned expecting the doctor but was shocked when I saw a tall man with long legs. He looked rather skittish and lost as he entered the room. He kept his head turned toward the door, as if expected someone to run through and yell at him. 

Wanting to reassure him somewhat, I called out, "Can I help you?"

The man spun around so fast, his coat flared out in a perfect arc. My breath caught when I saw his expressive eyes. They reminded me of my Bambi that someone had thoughtfully placed next to my bedside. I only got to see the eyes for a few seconds before the man, upon seeing me, broke out in a wide smile showing me his mismatched eyes. There was a sharp pain at the back of my mind upon seeing that, but the next instance it was gone, nothing more than a distant memory.

The man shook his head, "No, the doctor just wants to yell at me. But I think I outran him."

His smile was contagious and I couldn't help but smile back, "You are more than welcome to hide out in here for the time being, God knows it's big enough." I gestured around the room, and motioned for the man to come and sit by me by the window. "My name's Yunho, by the way."

If it was possible, the man smiled even more. But he moved towards the windowsill with a grace that anyone would envy, even me, and I'm a dancer. "Changmin." He introduced himself, and held his hand out. I took it with a smile, _Today will be interesting_.

"So what are here for?" I ask with a smile, glad that I wasn't alone in this massive room anymore. I mean, come on, who needs a room this big anyway? It could hold at least three other patients.

"Here for?" Changmin tilts his head to the side, bringing the image of a confused fawn to mind. _Crap did I get it wrong_.

"Sorry," I slumped my shoulders, maybe I offended him. "I woke up about half an hour ago, and I have no clue where I am. With all the machines, I just assumed that it was a hospital. And, well, since no one voluntarily comes to one, I guessed that you were here for something. But if this isn't a hospital, then that question must have sounded really weird...and now I'm rambling. I'll just shut up now."

Changmin started giggling, no joke, full out giggling. "No worries, you are in a hospital. If that can cause no worries, seeing as how you didn't know you were in one. I was just surprised that someone asked me that." He shrugged, a smile still gracing his elegant face. "Most of the patients here get antsy when asked that."

_That makes sense. Wait, a second, did he said that patients don't like that so did I just make him mad?_

"Uhh, are you a patient?" I asked carefully. I really don’t want to make another mistake, especially since Changmin looks older than me, though he doesn't really act like it.

His eyes widened a little at that, before shaking his head. "Nope. I just here to see a patient."

"Then why run from the doctor?"

Changmin had the decency to look away, a blush painting across his cheeks. "Ahh that. Well, see he and I disagree on the treatment of the person I'm here to see. He accused me of not being able to accept that what I want isn't possible." Pain filled his eyes. "Idiotic doctor hasn't he ever heard of faith?"

My heart dropped, and I can't tell why, but it hurt finding out that Changmin already had someone that was special to him. It could also be because he wouldn't be able to stay much longer, if he had someone else to visit. Maybe if I ask nicely, he'll come back to visit me the next time he comes (if I'm still here by then). 

"You should get going then." Changmin over at me, again with the confused Bambi look. "The person you’re here to see, won't they be waiting?"

Changmin smiled sadly, "They haven't woken up yet. It’s been years and he still hasn't woken up." Tears gathered at the edge of his beautiful eyes. "But I can't give up hope, that doctor doesn't know anything. One day, hyung will wake up and say my name, and everything will be alright again."

Silence fell. What could I say to that? It seemed like his hyung meant the world to him, to have someone that important to you be in a coma for years, now that's just rough.

"Well…" I started out slowly, making sure that I didn't scare him away. "You are more than welcome to visit me until your hyung wakes up. I'll be your friend until then, how does that sound?"

Changmin smiled at me, "That sounds perfect actually. You remind me a lot of him."

"Yah! Are you calling me old?"

His laughter echoed throughout the big room. "Not really, it's just my hyung doesn't ever act his age. Preferring to be this squishy human being, until he needs to yell at someone. Which by the way is really rare."

Contemplating that for a moment before I turned back to him. "I have no clue whether to take that as a complement that I'm cute, or be insulted that you think I'm cute. I am a man." I stated with a pout, yea a real man.

"Sure you are." His voice dripped with sarcasm, and he was biting back a smile. "But honestly now it’s getting creepy how much you are like him. He would always say that he was a man to get out of so many things."

His eyes gave this faraway look and I knew without asking that he was thinking about his hyung and all the times that the faceless man had used the excuse I had just given. My chest grew tighter and pain blossomed in my heart. I wanted Changmin to look at me like that and think about me like that.

Whoa. Back up. I have literally just met the man, how the hell am I jealous about this nameless hyung?

Shaking my head to get rid of any more strange thoughts, I returned my attention to the man in my room who was currently staring at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?" 

"Nothing," he replied shaking his head. Amusement seeped into his voice and I knew that he was laughing at me. It was embarrassing but at least he wasn't thinking about that guy anymore.

"So...what do you do for a living?" I asked moving back over to the window, gesturing for Changmin to come and sit by me.

"Hmm, random jobs here and there." He gave a bark of laughter. "Don't trust people when they say that Ph.D. is the way to money. I haven't had a steady job since I got out of the army."

"You have a Ph.D.?" My eyes were wide, he barely looked old enough to have gone to the army, let alone have gotten a doctorate in any subject.

Apparently he didn't notice my astonishment, or he was used to it. "Yea, in music." The way he said music told me how much of a lifeline it was to him. He breathed it out as one would speak to a lover in the throes of passion. Yet he had placed enough life and energy into the statement that it sounded like if all the music is the world disappeared he would go with it. 

I understood that. I understood that more than most people. Dancing had been my only solstice after my accident where I lost my voice. It had showed me that there was another way to give music. 

"So you sing? Or do you play?" I ask him suddenly feeling the need to dance. But since I have no clue as to why I'm in the hospital, I probably shouldn't until the doctor says I can.

"I used to sing, not so much anymore." He said with a sad smile. "I can play the guitar, the piano on occasion, and I can dance but only if you give me choreo."

"I love to dance, it shows emotions better than speaking ever can. But why did you stop singing?" 

Changmin merely shrugged, looking out the window rather than at me. His eyes were blank slates and it scared me a little, but his entire body spoke of his pain. He missed singing, that much I could tell, yet…

"So, will you sing for me?" I asked trying my best imitation of Jihye's puppy dog eyes. Not sure if I managed it or not, but it got Changmin to at least give me a laugh.

"Yea, no." He said, life once back in his voice. "I only sing for girls. And no matter how long your hair is, you are not a girl."

"You got me there. But if you sing for me I'll sing for you. So if anyone asks we were just critiquing each other. My voice my not be that great, but hey," I shrugged. Honestly, I have no idea why I want to hear him sing so badly but right now I would do anything to hear his voice. Even if it meant singing with my broken one.

"You would sing for me?" He voice was surprised, as if he never thought that it would come up. But at the same time he sounded somewhat hopeful, like he wanted to hear it.

"Correction, I'm singing and you just happen to be in the room. Got it?" I said. It felt right taking the reins and being the 'older' of us even though Changmin was obviously older than me. Hell he has a Ph.D. and I've barely graduated high school. "By the way, you aren't allowed to make fun of my voice alright?"

"Oh I doubt I'll be able to make fun of it," Changmin spoke so quietly I could barely hear him. I wanted to ask him what he meant, but it was obviously not meant for my ears so I ignored it.

"You go first." I commanded my desire to hear him sing overweighing the engrained respect for my elders.

Changmin didn't comment on it thankfully, just settling back on to the seat and closing his eyes. He stayed like that for so long that I thought he had forgotten about our deal and had fallen asleep. But right when I was about to shake him awake, his mouth opened and he sang.

_I look at you, my love, though I can’t touch you_  
 _I painfully look at that face, at those eyes_  
 _The only person who embraced my tears and my scars_  
 _In this world, it’s you alone_

_I miss you my love, my love, can’t you turn around and look at me?_  
 _I call out to you till my lips are chapped but it doesn’t reach you_  
 _Wherever you are, I will go search for you_  
 _Even when the day I stop breathing comes, I will wait for you_  
 _I want to love you again, I miss you crazily_

The last note hung in the air once he finished, leaving only a stunned silence. On my part. For him, well Changmin looked heartbroken and I just knew. He had been singing for his Hyung, and in that moment I silently vowed that one day I would have a love like that.

"There's no way I can follow up with that," I said, breaking the silence after a few minutes when it became clear that he wouldn't be singing again.

Changmin looked up at me with a pout, "Come on, we promised."

"Yea, but that was before you go and do…" I waved my hand around his head trying to think of the right word to describe what just happened, "that." Smooth Jung, real smooth.

"That?" The pout had transformed from an upset one to an angry one. "Did you just call my singing...that?" He let out a bark of forced laughter, as though he couldn't even compute what I had just said. "There are thousands who would pay to hear me sing, and you call it that?!"

Backing up, backing up. "I just didn't know how to describe it in a way that gave it justice."

"So you called it that?"

"It was the first thing that sounded like it wouldn't make this awkward." Honestly if I had gone with the first word that had popped into my head, I'm pretty sure he would look at me like I was insane and practically run out of the room. "Anyway, I've never heard that song is it new?" I diverge from the original topic hoping that he will be distracted in talking about it. After all there has to be a reason for why he sang it.

"I sang it, a long time ago as a favor to one of my friends." Changmin said looking carefully at me, as though he knew exactly why I had changed to topic. In a quieter voice he followed, "I wrote it." 

My eyes widened as I looked at him. The song took on a whole new meaning now. The heartbreak, yet the calm that came with it...this man has been through hell. He expects people to leave and not return, but he will still wait for them. Unbidden, I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. I wanted to grab him and protect him against the world, which is just ridiculous. I mean how the hell is a teenager going to protect this thirty-something man.

I heard his intact of breathe, "Shit why are you crying?" He was halfway out of his chair with his hand reached out to me before he seemed to remember himself and slowly sat back down.

"Is that what it's like to grow up?" I ask silently, ignoring while at the same time answering his question. "That much heartache and loneliness? If that's what it’s like I want to stay a teenager forever."

Changmin sighed, his shoulders dropped as though he was given a large burden. "Not for everyone it’s not." He gave me a small smile that was nothing like the one he gave me when he first walked in that door. "I guess...I guess I'm just not worth staying around for. I've had so many friends just walk away because it was better for them, or they were just tired of putting up with me."

He looked me in the eye, a real smile was back though it was tiny. "I'm really difficult to deal with. Basically you could call me a perfectionist with almost no people skills what so ever." His gaze became distant as he kept talking. "Hyung was the only one who could actually put up with it every day. Even the days I would yell and scream at him for the most random things, like squeezing the toothpaste from the middle or for leaving his shoes on in the house. He never got annoyed with me, never got angry enough to leave."

I watched silently as tears filled his eyes. "But now he won't wake up. He won't say it’s going to be okay, or that everything will turn out alright. He was the only one I never had to worry about leaving me, cause he would always wait for me to follow him. But," he turned to me, tears streaming freely down his face, "how can I follow him now? How?"

Knowing that it wasn't my place and that I had just met the man, still I closed the distance between us. Wrapping my arms around him, it amazed me how frail and small he seemed even though he was at least a few centimeters taller than me. I felt him stiffen, but I didn't let go instead I just held on tighter.

"Don't worry." I said into his soft hair. "Everything will be alright, you'll see. Your hyung will wake up and think about how sad he’ll be if he saw that you had been crying because of him. But don't worry, I won't tell him so your secret is safe with me. Just cry, let it all out now so when he finally wakes up you can greet him with that beautiful smile of yours."

At those words, I heard him give a loud sob and bury his face in my shoulder as he clung to me just as tightly as I to him. As he let it all out, I found myself running a hand through his silk like hair. It shocked me how comfortable this was how familiar this felt. I wanted to ask Changmin if he felt the same but I didn't say anything. 

I have no clue how long we stayed like that. We didn't move until his tears had dried up and sobs were no longer wrecking his body. He shifted in my arms, letting me know that he was ready to come up and I moved away.

"Sorry about that," he gave me a shy smile. "I'm normally more composed than this."

Waving it away with a hand, "Don't mention it. It's obvious that you needed it."

"Seriously though, I'm visiting you not to mention this is our first meeting and I end up crying all over you. I mean you just woke up in a hospital having no idea what happened to you, and here I am bawling my eyes out like some prepubescent girl!"

Before he could continue ranting, his eyes darted to his watch. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How is it already that time?"

"You need to go?"

Changmin looked at me with guilty eyes. "Yeah, I'm sorry that I didn't get to hear you sing."

Shrugging I replied, "Just come back soon and I'll sing for you then. But you better come back soon cause I have no idea how long I'm going to be here."

His eyes kinda glazed over, like he was trying not to say something he might regret. "Tomorrow then. You'll sing for me tomorrow. You promise not to forget?" 

Laughing I promised. Silently I watched as he moved around the room getting things that had been dropped in his mad dash from the doctor. With his coat in hand and a bag slung over his shoulder he turned to me.

"Don't forget."

His voice held more heartbreak than his song did, but before I could say anything he was gone as though he had never been there. 

Oh well, I'll just ask him tomorrow. 

 

*

 

I woke up to bright lights above me and the smell of antibacterial soap.

Looking around me was a plain room, there was an IV stand in the corner as well as some tables and chairs. Mine seemed to be the only bed though. However I wasn't the only occupant on my left was a handsome man sitting next to my bed writing in a journal of sorts. I must have shifted or made some noise, cause he looked up at me over his glasses.

"I see you're finally awake." He said with a smirk that could rival Loki's.

"Yea," I said hesitantly. "Where am I?"

"The hospital. You had an accident and the doctors want to keep an eye on you." He said calmly, as though he'd been through this before, which made me wonder if I've woken up before and just don't remember it.

"And...you are?" I had tried going through all the people I had met in the past few days. It was a lot, I had just been cast at SM Entertainment and had met a lot of people in the past week.

His smirk turned to a smile. "Changmin. The doctors' asked me to keep an eye on you until you woke up."

Ah so he works here. I gave him a wide smile. "Nice to meet you Changmin, my name's Yunho."  
 


	2. The Reality

At first it was just like a game, choosing different personalities, different personas. Being someone different every time I walked through that door.  It was the ultimate acting lesson, sometimes not even having a character planned, just going by the queues of the older man.

I won't lie and say that my heart didn't shatter when the accident happened, nor will I say that I was strong and didn't break down when the doctor told me his condition. But I will tell you that I haven't given up hope. It's practically pointless, everyone says, but I just can't accept the fact that he will never be the same.

So I go to the hospital every chance I get, hoping, praying that this time will be the time that he says my name. That could be what started the different roles, me wanting to hear him ask what was wrong with me. But mainly, those roles helped hide how much I wanted to break down and just give up with every visit. They gave me strength. After all the strength he had while being our leader, taking almost eight years before he cried on stage, in my heart I couldn't let him down by crying.

Sure, Jae-hyung had said that this would definitely count as one of the three times a man is allowed to cry, I just can't let my hyung down like that, not after everything he's done for me. But that is nothing compared to having to tell him what happened. Over and over again. Every single day, he has to be told that he will never leave the hospital, that he isn't 15, that he has achieved his dream even when he has no memory of it.

The only saving grace is that sometimes he doesn’t act like he's supposed to, he doesn't deliver the lines he was given and he takes it with a grace and maturity that only the Gods' leader could have possessed. Then the next day, its back to disbelief and anger.

But it's been years, I'm not sure that I can keep this up any longer. When my roles first began to play out, I would keep a journal, writing down everything that had happened. A few days ago, I realized that I was coming to the end of the journal and looking back at all the different entries, my slowly repairing heart was destroyed with no hope of recovering. All the entries followed the same scenario, the only thing that ever really different was me. And even then I was predictable. 

Then the unthinkable happened. He changed the script.

He asked me to sing, never in all the times have I been there has he ever expressed interest in my voice or my life outside the hospital. He let me cry and told me that it was okay to, that he wouldn’t tell anyone. He was so much like my Hyung and I thought finally, finally he’s waking up.

I had been so caught up with my relief that he’s actually acting like my hyung that the time passed by and before I knew it I had to leave. Promising to be back the next day, I left to find the doctor I had been avoiding previously. The idiotic doctor told me not to get my hopes up too soon, that it would only end in misery.

Stupid doctor. Doesn’t he know that as long as Yunho is alive I will hope for the day that he finally wakes up and tells me that I was an idiot for waiting.

As I was walking out of the hospital, I realized that I never told Hyung the truth. But there’s always another day.

Of course the next day followed a similar pattern. Though he hadn’t remembered our conversation the day before, he didn’t follow his normal script and again I didn’t tell him about reality. Wanting this to last for as long as possible.

It feels strange. Is this how we would have acted if we hadn’t have met through SM and had to deal will all the promotions of being the ‘Gods’ of the Hallyu Wave? It felt oddly freeing, thinking that we were giving another chance. One to be ourselves, not the personas that the fans see.

Would he still have been my best friend, the only one I can truly count on? Would he still have fallen in love with me?

When Yunho settled down for a nap, I took out my journal and wrote down my thoughts. Though it was an evil thing that only reminded me of the pain the accident had caused, it had become a habit. I would write in it the things I used to tell Yunho, before everything happened.

My phone went off signaling that I had to meet my manager downstairs half an hour ago. I was going to a meeting for a new drama that was coming out and I refused to be late. Yunho and I had worked hard to ensure that TVXQ’s reputation was pristine, and I wasn’t going to be the one to destroy that.

Pausing at the door, I glanced once more at my sleeping leader. “I’ll keep TVXQ alive for you Hyung, you can count on me. I promise I won’t let it rot.”

Every day since the accident I had visited. Every fucking day. Even if it meant taking the red eye from Japan and getting here around midnight after waking up at 3AM to go to a talk show in Tokyo. This would be the first time that I was missing a day.

Due to the drama, I would be filming on Jeju. The scene calls for some late night romancing or some crap like that, then an early morning scene that means absolutely no way of flying back to Seoul.

It chaffed me, but since I had to keep the company happy. After all since I refused to sing for them until Yunho wakes up, the only thing I can do is model, act and compose. That in turn means in order to keep going at my request, I have to do well in dramas which means not asking for things like a later shooting date or requesting that the scene be dropped.

I’ve been good in the years that Hyung’s been sleeping. I haven’t abused the power I have. All the pity I have since the accident combined with the fact that TVXQ is still one of the best acts and a spreader of the Hallyu Wave even with being inactive for almost eight years with all the army services gives me almost unlimited power. Trust me, I could probably commit murder and all I would hear is ‘Poor Changmin, he didn’t mean it’ or ‘He was provoked, Min-ah won’t do such a vile thing’.

That day I was away from Hyung, was horrible. But I didn’t let it show. I tapped into my acting skills, which are way better than anyone knows, and showed a bright face. No one asked me about Yunho. To the world Yunho is dead, and as much as it pains me, I don’t contradict it. The accident made him dead to the entertainment world, it’s as if they know that he will never return to the stage so why waste time talking about him.

It gives him the privacy he needs, so I rarely mention him to anyone who isn’t a friend.

Walking into my Hyung's room, I was in a good mood. The shooting went well and manager-hyung hadn’t argued when I asked to take an early flight so I could come to the hospital. I had come pretty early, since I had a later schedule, so I expected Hyung to still be asleep. But entering the room, I looked over to the bed and he wasn't there, and I will admit I had a small panic attack until I saw him sitting by the window again.

I don't even think he heard me enter. He was staring out of the window with an expressionless face. There were rings beneath his eyes, similar to those that he would have had back in our idol days, but there was no reason why he would have them here. Hell, those nurses enforced all the rules around here, and that included bedtime.

Deciding that this was more of a blessing than anything else, I cleared my throat to get his attention ready to start today’s scene in the journal. I wasn't expecting Hyung's reaction though. Hearing me, he slowly turned his attention away from the darkness that was outside. He stared at me with soulless eyes, before turning his gaze back out the window.

"Hyung?" My voice sounded small, like a little kid waiting for someone to tell him no. My hyung was scaring me. Never in all the times I visited did I see that expression on my hyung's face. Sure I had seen it once before, but that was years upon years ago, back when Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu had sued the company.

"Why did you come back Changmin-ah?" His attention never left the dark sky. My eyes widen at the sound of my name. Opening my mouth, no doubt to comment on him remembering, Yunho cut me off, "Why do you always come back?"

Yunho looked at me then, his dark eyes full of unshed tears. "Why do you keep hurting yourself like this? Do you like being constantly forgotten?"

"Hyung, I-" my sentence cut off in my throat. This wasn't how I imagined Yunho getting his memories back. I felt like that young trainee who was in waters far too deep for me to swim. My head began to bow in shame for disappointing Yunho once again, after all that seems to be the only thing I'm good at, when something caught my eye. Lying in Yunho's lap, his hands gripping it tight, was my journal.

I must have left it in the rush to get to the drama meeting before going to Jeju. And of course I didn’t miss it, as I only consult it when I’m with, about to be with, or just left Yunho. But everything that I had ever felt walking into Yunho's room, everything that we had talked about, everything the doctors had told me about his condition, were all in that book. All of my thoughts about us, though I had been very carefully not to mention certain things, my hopes, dreams, and my pain was all in there. And currently it was in Yunho's hands.

He hadn't remembered anything. Unbidden by me, tears began falling from my eyes. Upon seeing them, Yunho immediately stood up and walked over to me. He held his arms out to me, but I slapped them away, ignoring his hurt expression.

"I just want to you wake up Hyung," I looked at him through my tears. "That's all I want. Just to have you back. Is that so wrong? Is it?"

Fighting my attempts to get away, Yunho dragged me into his familiar embrace. "It's not wrong Min-ah, it’s not. But this isn't the way to do it. This will bring you more pain than relief."

Sagging in his embrace, I let myself be comforted by my hyung. "Than what do I do? Hyung what do I do to make the pain go away?"

For a long time he said nothing, just stood there with me in his arms, running his hand through my hair in a calming motion. After what felt like hours he whispered into my hair, "Stop coming to the hospital."

"NO!" I jerked out of his embrace so fast, I swear I got some friction burns. I knew that my gaze had accusation in it as I looked up at him. "Seeing you, even if you can't remember is the only thing that keeps me sane Hyung. Don't send me away! Please, don't make me leave!"

Tears were flowing from my eyes, not even a sign that they were stopping soon. My breathing came in gasps, the room was spinning and his words were ringing in my ears. My hyung doesn't want me, he doesn't want me here. I can't breathe, can't breathe.

"Changmin! Look at me!" Yunho's hands grabbed the sides of my face when I didn't respond to his order, and forced my head up to look him in the eyes. Calmly he spoke, contradicting the panic that shown in his eyes, "You need to calm down, you're having a panic attack. Calm down. I don't mean to send you away forever."

But he still means to send me away. Sure it might not be forever but it will still feel like it. I really can't leave Hyung, I've tried. Kyuhyun and others have made me not go to the hospital for days trying to get me to live my own life. It hadn't worked out. I would see things that would make me laugh, and I would turn to Hyung to tell him only to realize that he wasn't there. I'm too used to having him beside me, that it feels wrong having that space empty. Even years after the accident, I still feel like that.

"Damn it Min," I heard Yunho curse when I wasn't listening to him, and I wasn't anywhere near calming down. Somewhere deep in my conscious I was wondering if he was planning on slapping me, that always knocked me out of a panic attack. Instead of feeling a sting on my cheek, I felt something soft on my lips.

Yunho had kissed me. Yunho was kissing me. That's one way of shocking me out of panic mode.

All too soon, it was over and Yunho was pulling back, his face bright red but his grin was stunning. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you."

My face probably turned brighter than his at the moment. Pathetic really, almost thirty-four and blushing like a school girl merely because of a kiss. Honestly I had no words to describe the situation, and I had no clue what to say to Yunho after that, besides something stupid and sarcastic. But I wasn't in the mood to ruin what we had right than, who knew when I was going to get it again. So I threw caution to the wind, and just kissed him again.

Not entirely sure when we started sitting on the floor, but I guessing that happened sometime during my mini panic attack. But we were currently sitting, more like kneeling for me, on the floor, kissing. Yunho gently pulled me to sit in his lap, and I wasn't complaining or fighting so I ended up straddling him.

Yunho broke the kiss and ran one hand along the edge of my face, "This feels so familiar."

Leaning into the light touch, I glared without any real heat, "It better."

Yunho looked confused and flustered for a few seconds as he looked away from me, "But the journal didn't mention anything about…"

I cut him off by placing my finger over his lips, it had always worked in the past and it was no different now. "It happened before the journal's time. And I didn't want to bring it up in case the wrong person got their hands on it."

His eyes narrowed at that, not sure if it was for the fictional wrong person that dared getting on the wrong side of Yunho, or the mention that I didn't want anyone to know about us. But he didn't mention any of it. "Tell me about us. I want to know, then I can write it in the journal so I can remind myself about it."

That idea didn't seem half bad, so I settled back into his arms and started telling him about us.

"It started… man almost thirteen years ago. God I feel old now. But anyway, it was around the time when three of our members, our friends and family, had decided that they no longer wanted to work with our company. They filed a lawsuit against them, they asked us to join but you are loyal to a fault so you refused. I refused to leave unless we were all leaving, so that just left the two of us. I won't go into the details of that time, cause that's another story.

"One night we were both flat out drunk in our apartment. It had become a common occurrence after the lawsuit started. Honestly it had started out as a joke, a dare, but it had turned into us making out for a little over two hours on the couch.

"The next morning you pretended like it never happened, and I played along."

Yunho cut in then, "I won't have forgotten that. I shouldn't have forgotten that."

I gave him a small smile, "You didn't. You're not the type to have black outs when your drunk. You remembered everything, just chose to write it off as typical drunk behavior." At his grimace I added, "I don't blame you, hell I tried to forget it as well. Before that night, both of us were so sure that we were straight, I think we were having an identity crisis."

When Yunho nodded in understanding, I continued with my story.

"Nothing really happened for a few years, there were little kisses here and there when we won Music Bank, or awards. But we still pretended that it was nothing. That is until you were going off to the army. The night before you enlisted, we had sex in your apartment. The morning after we blamed it on the alcohol when neither of us had drunk any the night before.

"You said it was because I was familiar, I said it was because you just happened to be there. We just kept throwing out excuses, until you had apparently had enough and proceeded to fuck me on the kitchen table." I laughed at that memory, but the joy quickly turned to sorrow.

"Tell me," Yunho urged gently, wiping that lone tear off my cheek.

"I didn't want you to go into active duty. I begged you to just go into community service like every other celebrity, but you just had to go against me. But honestly, I just didn't want you to go. Somehow you got that out of me that morning, and promised me that you would always come back to me. That you wouldn't leave me like everyone else did."

I could tell that Yunho wanted to ask about that, but I wasn't in the mood to share it right then.

"Those two years were literally hell for me, even with seeing you during your time off. I was so used to having you beside me, even when I demanded my independence I would always depend on you and return to where ever you were cause it felt like home.

"When you had finished your service, I signed up for mine. Active duty, just to piss you off. And it did, marvelously. Every time you called me during my service, it was to tell me to transfer over to community or at very least the communications department. It made for some killer sex when I got time off."

Yunho looked at me with a question in his eyes. "Oh yes, we were still having sex, though we had long since passed the phase of blaming the alcohol. We went at it like rabbits every chance we had, though that wasn't often. With me doing my service and you back in the entertainment industry as an actor and producer, we never really had the time."

Taking a deep breathe I moved on to the hardest part. "The first time I told you I loved you, was also the last time. It had been a few weeks after I had completed my time, and I had demanded that you take me out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary. We had known each other for fifteen years. I should have never forced you to take me, or I should have driven. Maybe then our positions would have been switched.

"Neither of us saw the car. But we felt it when it rammed into the driver's side door, it pushed us into oncoming traffic. I don't really remember much of the crash, just that when it was over I saw you lying on the pavement with a pool of blood surrounding you. I don't even remember how I got over to you, just that one moment I was sitting in the wreck and the next I was kneeling beside you. It would have been a miracle that you were still conscious, but you were. You told me that you were sorry that you couldn't keep your promise, and I yelled at you, told you that you couldn't die because you hadn't told me you loved me yet…"

I couldn't continue my entire body was shaking with the force of my sobs. Yunho just held on, holding me tight, being my anchor. "It's alright, you don't need to continue."

I shook my head frantically, "No you have to know." Pulling myself away from my perch on his shoulder, I held his face in my hands and looked at his tear filled eyes. "While I was yelling at you, you just laid there and took it. Then you reached up with you hand and wiped away my tears...and you told me that you loved me, that if you had a chance to you would shout it out to the world and that even if I didn't feel the same you would stay until you had broken me down enough to admit. Then I told you-"

"That you were already broken down, that no one could make you feel as strongly as you felt towards me," Yunho said with a small smile and a far off gaze. I just looked at him, my mouth open, not believing what I was hearing. All of a sudden he seemed to jerk out of whatever trance he was in and looked at me in shock. "How did I know that?"

Shaking my head in mute shock, I bit back my tears before they consumed me. Before I could stop myself, I launched myself into Yunho’s arms letting our lips met once more. He leaned into the kiss, letting his body remember what his mind could not.

After a little while, I pulled back still keeping within close distance. “I love you.” I spoke to his eyes, allowed the emotion that I’ve kept back for so long to shine, letting him see how much I loved him.

Yunho’s brown eyes grew warm with love and happiness, but there was still coldness in them. Fear and sadness. “Min-ah…”

I was shaking my head before he could finish. “No, I didn’t get the chance to tell you then and I nearly lost any chance I ever had. Even if you think I’m weird, or that I’m mistaking you for someone else, I will always tell you that I love you. Until you remember, I will keep telling you. Every fucking day if I have to.”

This time it was Yunho shaking his head. He looked at me with sad eyes as his hand cupped my face. “Stop coming to the hospital Changmin-ah.”

I opened my mouth to complain, but he silenced me once more with a single glance. “Just for a month, then you can come visit.”

“A month?!” I shout not caring who can hear us. Hell I stopped caring a long time ago. “I can barely last a day without seeing you. How the fuck do you expect me to last a month?!”

Giving me a small smile, “It’s easy. Go participate in your dramas, hang out with friends, read a book, go back to school and get another degree. Live your life Changmin, stop waiting for the past to catch up to you. Stop following me and create your own path, and one day I will find you again.”

“Hyung…” Knowing that I wasn’t going to win, I buried my face in his warm embrace. He was right, he normally was. But I’ve followed his path, or those set by my parents, for so long how do I make my own? “I don’t know how.”

“Go on a trip. Find something that makes your blood sing and pursue it even if it makes no money. Learn something new, make mistakes. Do something insane.” He pulled me away from my refuge and looked me in the eye. “That’s what life is Changmin-ah, finding your own path. You may find it in a few days, it could take years, or you could never find it. The point is to look for it, not waiting for it to come to you.”

“I’m scared,” and just like that I’m the maknae of the entire industry at just fifteen years of age, hiding behind my hyungs letting them fight battles for me.

“If it ever gets too hard, I’ll be right here. Promise.” Opening my mouth, he physically closed it by pinching my lips together with his fingers. Any other day I would have been pissed, but I was acting like a child and he was treating me in kind.

“After one month, you can visit or call me anytime. I’ll work on my memory and I’ll read the journal and add new things in it every day. I won’t forget you again.” He vowed and I believed him.

The first few days were the hardest. All I wanted was to run back to the hospital to see if he still remembered, but I had promised a month of absolutely no contact unless he initiated it. Dear God how was I so stupid to agree to that.

The amount of times I nearly caved was embarrassing. But Hyung was right about one thing, hanging out with my friends really did help. Super Junior was on a break right now, so Kyuhyun and the others were more than happy to keep me company. When asked why the sudden desire to hang out, I merely said it was time to find my own path, to which all I received were raised eyebrows and confusion.

Strangely out of all of them Heechul was the one who tricked me out of the information about Yunho. When I told him about our conversation, he looked ready to cry tears of happiness.

“So he’s coming back? Our Yundol is coming back?” The pure joy and hope that shown through every pore on his skin made me smile back at him. It didn’t even diminish when I said that we shouldn’t get our hopes up cause it could easily backfire on us. He merely replied, “All things are like that. But a little hope wouldn’t hurt.”

Having Heechul know about Yunho, made me almost okay. And since the diva has the ability to read hearts, he found out about my and Hyung’s relationship fairly quickly.

“How the hell did I miss it? You’re telling me that you two were fucking for four years and nobody knew? That I didn’t know? How the fuck did you pull it off?” Then his face changed almost immediately, going from shocked to horror. “That’s why…that’s why…” He never finished his sentence, I never let him. I was out of the door before he ever had the chance to.

Almost two weeks into the month exile from the hospital, ten days to be exact, I got a call from an unknown number. Against my better judgment, I answered. That saesangs had better things to do these days, like stalking EXO.

"Hello"

<Changmin-ah?> The voice was not one I was expecting, one I did not want to deal with at the moment. I hadn’t heard from him in years, even after the accident, he hadn’t tried to contact me or Yunho. I wanted to hang up but I was frozen.

<Minnie-ah? You there? … Look I know you really don’t want to talk to me right now, but… I…Heechul told me some things and…I just want to make sure you’re alright>

"You should have checked four years ago" My voice cold in my mind, but it came out as a whiny child.

<I’m sorry, nothing I do can change the fact that I should have gone, but I....I thought that you and Yunho hated me. I still think that. We all think that>

Forgetting that it was a phone call, I shook my head. "Back then I wouldn’t have cared…I needed you…I really really needed you guys Jaejoong, I needed someone to tell me that it was going to be okay…I needed someone to tell me it was ok to cry. But most of all, I just needed someone. I may have been surrounded by SM family, but I was alone."

Jaejoong didn’t talk for so long that I thought he had hung up. When he finally did speak up, his voice was horse like he had been crying. <Shit dongsang, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We should have talked years ago, before this fuck-up happened. We should have been with you when it happened. I’m so fucking sorry>

"It’s in the past. We should have talked before you even filed that damn lawsuit. We should have talked afterwards, no matter what either of our companies said. We should have talked when you guys had your comeback, when we had our comeback. You and I can sit here talking about ‘should have’s and would have’s, and what if’s, but none of that changes the past Jaejoong. As much as I would want to say otherwise, it’s too late to go back to where we were."

<But…>

"However it is not too late to start over again. Hell I’ve been doing it with Yunho for years, at least this time you will actually remember me." I attempted a laugh, and I am very proud that it actually sounded real.

<Changminnie… Fuck, I really should have talked to you sooner.>

"And that’s another should have. Good bye Jaejoong, next time don’t wait a decade before you call to me again."

After that conversation, I sat staring at my phone wanting nothing more than to call up Yunho and tell him. Our lives were looking up. No, not our lives I could hear him say, yours.

I wouldn’t say that I lived during the next few days. But it was a definite improvement to how I was acting before, even the mere thought of Yunho wanting me to succeed helped me in ways I could have never imagined.

Twenty days in and I got a call that I been hoping for.

"Hello" I answered praying that it was Yunho calling me from the hospital phone and not the doctors calling to tell me something I didn’t want to hear.

<Min-ah> My heart nearly broke, not from pain but happiness. I haven’t heard that tone in far too long. It’s the tone that says ‘I love you’ the one that means I missed you.

"Hyung." I didn’t even bother hiding my happiness and joy at being called.

<I remembered Min-ah. I remembered our debut as a duo and the time I went to the army. I remember. I can even recall some of our early debut days, at least I think there early. You look so young and cute.>

"Those were evil days. How dare they make me kiss a kitten?!"

<Hmm, I don’t really remember that. But then again, I… I know that there were three others with us but… but I just can’t remember what they look like>

"It’s okay Hyung, for all we know you’ll forget in the morning so don’t worry about it too much" I tried to hide the pain in my voice, it’s a happy day. He remembered me!

<That’s just it Changdol-ah> he sounded so excited, like I could practically see him bouncing up and down in his chair like over grown five year old. <I remembered this two days ago. I waited to tell you in case I forgot again, and I didn’t. Minnie, I remembered you!>

I felt like crying in relief, my hyung was coming back to me. "Does that mean I can come over then? And the exile is over?"

His laugh echoed over the phone. <Now Minnie-ah, there was a reason for the exile. Now stick to it. I’ll see you in ten days. Remember that I love you, and I always will.>

That was the last I heard from him.

One day. One fucking day from when I could see Yunho, the hospital called and I knew immediately that something was wrong. They didn’t say anything over the phone, just telling me to get there soon. Part of me hoped that it was just Hyung playing a prank, but I knew. I just knew that wasn’t it.

Canceling everything I had that day, I went to the hospital dragging my feet the whole way. Upon entering, a nurse that I was familiar with and knew brought me up to the doctor’s office immediately. I tried asking her what was wrong, but she just kept shaking her said, say ‘Sorry’ over and over again. I decided then, that I didn’t want to know.

“Changmin-ssi,” The doctor greeted me standing up from his chair. The cups of coffee that surround the desk showed me that he had been up for a long time and planned on staying up. He didn’t motion me to sit so I remained standing, head held high ready for whatever he had to throw at me.

His eyes normally reminded me of those who had seen death, and a lot of it, enough that would turn any man bitter. But he looked at me with gentleness. It hit me then that I shouldn’t be here.

“The patient, Jung Yunho, slipped into a coma last night around 9:00 PM. An hour ago he was declared brain dead. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Shaking from head to toe, I wrapped my arms around myself trying to process the information. I was alone. He had left me. “You’re wrong,” I shouted at the doctor. “I mean, how can he be brain dead? He was just fine ten days ago, he was talking to me. He was remembering! How the fuck did he become brain dead?”

The doctor sighed, “Remember what I told you years ago about his condition? The reason why he can’t remember a time past his fifteenth birthday…”

Numbly I nodded. “There’s a piece of metal lodged in the temporal lobe, the place that handles memory. Because of the placing he not only lost his memory, but is unable of making new ones. Isn’t that right?”

Sadly the doctor smiled as I recounted almost perfectly what he told me years ago outside the surgery room where Yunho had been fighting for his life. “Something happened that caused the metal shard to move, allowing him limited usage of the temporal lobe. Letting him remember certain things from the past. But the movement was not a good one, it moved closer to the cerebellum and the spinal cord, cutting off circulation to the brain. Leading the brain to die a very slow death.”

“So you’re telling me that the moment he began to remember there was no hope of living…” All the strength in my body left and I collapsed in a heap on the chair. If I had known I never would have agreed to that stupid live your life thing.

The doctor looked at me with sad eyes, “I’m sorry. Even if we had known there…there was nothing we could have done. With the placement of the shard and the trauma already sustained, surgery was impossible with turning him into a vegetable.”

“So…what now?” I looked at him begging him to tell me what to do. I was so lost and my hyung wasn’t here to comfort me anymore. Sure his heart may still be beating, but now he will never wake up.

“We have already contacted his family. But his friends should be informed, then you have a decision to make.” I looked at him with confused eyes. “It is now in your hands to decide what happens to Yunho-ssi now. Whether to keep him on live support for the rest of his natural life or… or pull the plug.”

My head shot up, “And let him die!”

“Yes, it would most likely kill him. Right now he can’t breathe on his own, we also have a machine hooked up to him that is keeping his heart beating.”

“Why? Why do I have make this decision, shouldn’t it be his family? His parents?” I can’t make this choice, I can’t.

“His parents, after being informed, have requested that you make the final call.” The doctor said gently. “It was also Yunho-ssi’s wish that you were one we consulted.”

“You mean he talked to you about? Did he know that he was going to die? Was the whole stay away for a month so that I wouldn’t have to watch him die?”

“No, no.” The doctor said quickly, trying to get me to calm down. Though I have never mention, nor he to me, I have always had a feeling that he knew about me and Yunho, which is one of the reasons I got away with so much at the hospital. “The file says it’s been there for nearly eight years.”

That froze me. Eight years. That was around the time Yunho-hyung went into the army. Damn you Yunho, you couldn’t have told me that for eight years I had the power to choose whether you lived or died?

I barely remember leaving the room, or walking through the corridors, or even standing outside Yunho’s door. Dimly I heard a voice say that his family will be here in an hour, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. I don’t remember pulling out my phone and I certainly don’t remember dialing Jaejoong’s number.

<Hello?> He answered on the first ring.

"Jaejoong…" My voice was small, weak almost unrecognizable but he still knew who it was.

<Changmin-ah? What is it? What’s wrong?> The questions came in rapid fire, worry pouring over the line reaching out to me. But I was numb to it.

"Hyung…hyung he" I couldn’t say it. My mind refused to even think it. 

<…Where are you?> I muttered out something that sounded like the name of the hospital, I could do that. It had nothing to do with … I heard a quick ‘I coming’ and something that sounded like car engine. Then the phone shut off.

I sat there staring at the door, knowing that I should go in but I can’t find the will to move. The phone was held tightly in my hand, I felt it go off many times yet I never bothered to answer it knowing it was the agency wondering why I canceled everything. As far as I was concerned, TVXQ was dead I had been keeping it alive solely for Yunho, but he was gone.

“Changmin-yah!” I heard calling through the halls, I opened my mouth to answer but no sound came out. Hearing the shouting getting closer, I turned my head to see Heechul walking down the hall with Jaejoong hot on his heels. I could see more people behind them, but I didn’t care enough to tell who they were.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen to Yunho?” Heechul asked the moment he got to me, looking at the door as he said _his_ name. I couldn’t help but flinch, the name I had been avoiding coming out of Heechul like it was nothing.

Jaejoong was the one who noticed the flinch. With one glance he shooed every one behind him away, for which I was grateful. Then he scouted closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder in a show of comfort. “Minnie-ah, what happened?”

Not looking at him I whispered, “It was pointless to hope.”

“What do you mean?!” Heechul practically screeched, though in his defense he really doesn’t have another volume. “Pointless? There is always hope, I mean just a few days ago you were-“

“It was pointless! Everything was pointless, I should have just left him alone in this hospital then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.” Yelling as I jumped up and faced Heechul face one. Then I turned, facing the door again and in a much softer voice, “Do you know how much it hurts knowing that he will never wake up? Never say my name again? Never laugh at me? Never…”

The sound of my tears broke off my rant. Without saying a word, Jaejoong moved over and engulfed me in his arms, petting my hair the way Yunho used to. “Tell us Minnie, what happened?” His voice was soft, reassuring. But nothing can fix this, nothing.

“The doctors declared him brain dead almost two hours ago.” Just like that Heechul’s strong face broke into a thousand pieces and a heartbroken friend took its place. He slowly shook his head from side to side, while glancing at the door, tears falling from his feminine face. “He really is never going to wake up now.”

“Yundol…” Without another word Heechul turned and headed back down the corridor. Staying where I was I drew strength from Jaejoong, pretending that the past few years never happened and he was still the hyung that cook for  and baby me.

Hearing a cry rise up from where Heechul was no doubt breaking the news, Jaejoong tighten his hold on me. I knew that I should go to where everyone was, but… None of them knew, none of them knew what Yunho meant to me. None of them understood.

Time passed like that, with me held in Jaejoong’s arms. Before I knew it Yunho’s family arrived and Jaejoong relinquished his hold on me to pass me to Yunho’s mother. She engulfed me, her tears silent yet still very much present.

Though I had never told Yunho, both our parents knew. My mom and his had practically beaten it out of me after the accident when I wouldn’t eat or sleep without seeing him. Much to my surprise they didn’t bat an eyelid at the news, saying that it was expected and had just been waiting for us to tell them.

When I finally escaped her hug, I excused myself for some air. Though really, how could I face them knowing that their son’s life was literally in my hands. Standing on the roof, where someone had designed in a garden, I looked out to the city thinking.

I thought about everything Yunho told me to do. Everything he wanted for me.

And I finally realized something. I had already found my path, I had found it a long time ago. I had just been too blind to really see it. And as clear as day I knew what I was going to do.

Feeling much lighter then I had in years, I moved to return to our grieving friends and family my head held high and proud. Just as Yunho would have wanted.

 

 


	3. The Sunset

She had worked at the nurse's station in Seoul General Hospital for the past four years. It had been her first week when the leader of the biggest Korean group was wheeled through that ER door, fans of the man gathered in the staff room and wept for the fallen god. She had been one of them.

She had been standing outside of the emergency room, waiting for the surgery light to go off and the doctor to come through and give them the news. Then it hadn't really matter what the news would have been, the waiting was killing everyone. But mainly the wish that the surgery would end was all for one person. The other half of the man currently fighting for his life after a car accident that occurred barely a month after he had made it through his mandatory army service without so much as a scratch.

Changmin hadn't moved a muscle since he had watched his hyung be wheeled through those large intimidating doors. Denying any medical assistance the moment he walked through that door, just begging the staff to save his hyung. He had wanted to continue, but the doctors stopped him, saying that he would be more of a hindrance than a help. Maybe things would have changed if the surgeon had allowed Changmin into the operating room, maybe then his hyung would have remembered him.

When the news had finally come, it wasn't at all what we expected or imagined would happen. The young man waiting had been joined by countless people by now, yet none of them could get him to sit down or move from his post by the door. She watched as the doctor came out of the room, ignoring everyone else, and went straight to Changmin, his expression grim. We had all expected the worse, but then we realized that there were far worse things than death when the verdict came down.

"The damage to his brain was more extensive than we had originally believed. If he ever wakes up, it would be a miracle if he even remembers who he is. I'll be honest with you, since I respect both you and your hyung, but the chances of him coming out of the coma..." The entire hospital watched as the young man who had stood so strong throughout the surgery crumble to the floor, a choked sob being ripped from his chest.

No one moved. No one could have imagined that this man, this god of music, was kneeling on the floor his cries echoed through the halls, begging a god any god to save him. Even today if she listened hard enough she could still hear the young man's heart breaking as he was informed that the only person in this world that he cared about could never truly wake up.

But that's all in the past. Now all these years later, the young man's face had become familiar to her, and her's to him. She had heard the news about Yunho-ssi, who in the hospital hadn't. They were all trying their best to keep it from the press for as long as they could. Wanting nothing more than for Changmin to choose without anyone else interfering. It had stupefied the hospital that the Jung's would leave their son's life in the hands of the young man, who aged ten years with every passing month.

Though it should have been expected. Changmin spent more time here in one day, than any of his family does in a year. It hurt them too much to know that their son knows who they are, but doesn't know them.

She watched with sad eyes as the doctor left the room in which the remaining gods were resting. Changmin had made his choice then, and judging from the grief on the doctor's face, she knew what decision was made. Calmly she muted the heart monitor for Yunho-ssi room and waited.

It had taken half an hour for the light to go off. Yunho had always been incredible strong for a man of his age. Seeing a drop of water hit the paper below her, she reached her hand up to her face and felt her tears coming down. She didn't bother to try and stop them, knowing that showing tears for such a great man will never be seen as a weakness.

Wanting to give the young man some more time with his hyung, she waited a full twenty minutes before she ventured near the room. The silence was eerie, like the whole floor knew and was paying their respects to a man that the world had forgotten expect for one.

Placing her hand on the door, she couldn't hear any movement on the other side, and she knew. The past four years she had spent learning about the teenage Yunho and all his quirks, but she had also come to know the man that Changmin was forced to become. She knew what she would find on the other side of that door, she just hoped that for once she was wrong.

The sight that greeted her when she opened the door, caused her once dry eyes to water once more. Choking back a sob, she ventured into the quiet room, careful not to make any noise to not disturb the men by the bed. Her heart was in her eyes as she looked at the two men that she had idolized in her youth and had come to love in her adulthood. Yunho was lying on the bed, his once tan skin now pale that shown in the darkness of the room. The needles and tubes that had been keeping him alive, lay scattered on the floor. His still handsome face was turned to the body lying next to him. Changmin was curled up on the bed next to his hyung, his arm flung out around the other man as if to keep him from leaving. They were like night and day, in their personalities, temperaments and even in appearance. But right now they shared one thing in common; they had long since left this place.

The young nurse knew that she had to tell someone, but she wanted to leave them alone for a few minutes more. They had been harassed almost all their lives, it’s about time they got some time to themselves. Looking beyond them, a book lying on the dresser caught her eye. She knew the book very well, she had seen Changmin writing in it every day. Once she had snuck it out of Yunho’s room when the two had been sleeping, curious as to what he had been writing. Every entry was about Yunho, and the times Changmin had visited, and there were a few things in there that had made her close the book and never look at it again, it was too private.

Looking at it now, it was open to a blank page. Well, almost blank. Sprawled across the page was a message that she knew was meant for the man lying dead on the bed. In a moment of curiosity she picked it up and read the final words of a man she came to respect for his unwavering love for his hyung.

_I'm sorry, but I can't follow your last request Hyung, at least not in the way you envisioned. I found my path. It took me so long because it was entwined with yours. Our paths are the same, or similar. You shouldn’t be too surprised, I’ve always been happiest with you even when we were fighting, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. Where you go I will follow, always. How else will I make sure you eat or tell you where you left your phone._

_So I'm sorry hyung, but I'll be seeing you a lot sooner than you would have wished. Wait for me alright?_

Letting her tears fall freely, she placed the journal gently back on the dresser. Her heart feeling heavy, but her soul light, she walked over to door and pressed the emergency button. Waiting for the doctors to respond, the nurse stood next to the chair that Changmin had always used when he visited, and watched the sunset on two of the greatest men she'll ever have the pleasure of knowing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Re-post from AFF.  
> The song is "A Person Like Tears" sung by TVXQ's Changmin. He didn't write it, but hey artistic license.


End file.
